


Certainty

by BCSalamander17



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 11:09:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18342464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BCSalamander17/pseuds/BCSalamander17
Summary: How do you handle the most important person in your life asking you to talk about the one thing you never, ever want to mention to them? Rita's solution: Talk about the one thing you swore never to tell *anyone*.But some things, you just can’t avoid…





	Certainty

Rita Mordio had a problem. 

Usually, this was a good thing. As the world’s top blastia researcher, her problems almost always related to blastia. Having spent most of her life working with them, she often thought that they were the only things worth bothering with on the planet. They weren’t dumb, annoying, or self-centered, as the vast majority of anything alive was. It was a shame, then, that Rita’s problem was completely unrelated to blastia.

Then again, maybe it was  _ because  _ of her fondness for blastia, that this problem existed in the first place. For years, Rita worked away in her workshop, often for days at a time, missing meals, sleep. Sometimes, she went whole weeks without seeing another person. Always, she would be on the verge of another breakthrough, one more step closer to unlocking every mystery blastia had to offer. Everyone in Aspio called her a ‘weirdo’ for her dedication. Rita didn’t care, though - if all those other researchers wanted to waste time whining at each other, when there were blastia to research, it was their loss.

Perhaps, though, if Rita had wasted time blathering with everyone else, she might be better equipped to deal with her situation. That would have meant less time for her to research blastia, though, so her current dilemma was preferable, on balance. There weren't many things that were a worse use of her time than ‘debating’ blastia theory with those big-headed jerks in Aspio. That said, at least they were a step up from what she had to deal with before... 

So, what  _ was _ Rita’s problem? Well, she was a bit taller than Rita, and had pretty pink hair. She wore a lovely pink dress, under a pristine white coat with gold trim. She was incredibly kind and sweet, and used her powerful healing artes to help anyone in need. She was skilled in battle, using a sword and shield, as well as light magic to defeat her enemies. She was brilliant, and beautiful, and strong, and affectionate. Rita’s problem was Estellise Sidos Heurassein, Princess of the Empire.

No, not Estellise. Estelle.

Well… maybe that wasn’t exactly right. There was no problem with Estelle herself - she was wonderful in every single way. No, the problem was more that Rita had never met someone quite so amazing before. Estelle’s strange healing artes were first thing that caught Rita’s attention, but it wasn’t long before she learned that there was so much more to her. Estelle was kind to anybody she met, even if they didn’t deserve it. She was selfless, and good, and wanted to help everyone, even if that meant constantly putting herself in danger. And as Rita found out… that ‘everyone’ included a certain rude mage who had, at first, rebuffed her every attempt at friendship.

Actually, no - even that wasn’t right. The problem was that, after Estelle had saved her life, Rita had this irritating, uncontrollable  _ crush  _ on the princess. She might be one of the least sociable people in all of Terca Lumieres, but she’d stumbled across enough ditzy couples in Aspio to get some idea of what was afflicting her. It certainly wasn't difficult for her to work out that her feelings for Estelle ran far stronger than the begrudging friendships she had formed with the others of their group. That she had the capacity for a crush was a shock in itself, though. Rita was someone whose warmest relationships with other people, prior to joining said group, had never extended beyond merely tolerating the other’s existence. As someone who valued her independence from others, these feelings very much didn’t suit her, to say the least.

Regardless, with the fact established that she had this crush to contend with, Rita would have to deal with it the only way she knew how: with science. Her first theory was to simply ignore it, and hope it went away. It was a simple and logical solution, and easy to test. Not her preferred type - she’d always relished the challenge of a difficult dilemma - but it would enable Rita to focus on other issues, ones more worthy of her time. Her feelings for Estelle weren’t really getting in the way, but they were definitely annoying to have in the back of her mind, especially while she was working on something actually important. Once her stupid emotions got the message that she really had no interest in anything they had to offer, they would all go away, right?

Wrong. It took maybe a week for her to realise that Estelle’s friendliness, and insistence upon Rita being her  _ best _ friend, meant she was constantly subjected to her affection. Which also included all the side effects: her heart fluttering, her cheeks flushing, and a tendency to speak like a gibbering wreck. As if all that wasn’t bad enough, by the time she finally gave up, she had to admit to herself that, beneath all her embarrassment, it did feel pretty good to spend so much time with Estelle.

With her first plan backfiring, Rita’s next ill-advised theory on countering her own feelings involved attacking the issue from the opposite direction. If denying her feelings was not possible, she could attempt to set an upper boundary on a solution by testing the other extreme. Then, by noting her findings, she would be able to work towards finding the optimal answer in the middle. Thinking back on it now, it was total nonsense, but nobody ever said Rita Mordio knew anything about how emotions worked.

This second theory would involve her going on a date with Estelle as the logical endpoint. It also required that Estelle feel the same way towards Rita, because emotions were completely illogical and came with a whole bunch of stipulations she never wanted in the first place. Well, maybe not  _ completely  _ illogical - the thought of Estelle reciprocating Rita’s crush was… a good one. Unfortunately, it was far, far easier to figure out what this particular condition was, than it was to determine whether it could be fulfilled.

It certainly wasn’t something she would be able to learn by herself. With her experience of regular social interactions only coming from the past few weeks, Rita didn’t have a single clue about anything romantic in nature. She’d need to compare it to a similar relationship - either best friends, or people who were crushing on each other but not acted upon it. But, as a self-imposed social outcast, she only knew of one possible match: Yuri and Flynn. That knowledge didn’t help her either, since Rita herself had no idea which one they fell under, and it didn’t take a genius mage to realise neither Yuri nor Flynn knew for sure, either.

Normally, this was the point where someone would ask for help. Rita, however, had never needed any assistance in a scientific proof before, and she wasn’t about to start now. Never mind that this was just some dumb crush and not  _ actual  _ science, she still had her pride, dammit. That same pride, though, led her into making probably the biggest mistake she’d made so far: she considered asking Estelle directly. It was under a minute before she realised the question that had been hanging over her this entire time.

What if Estelle said  _ no _ ?

The very thought turned Rita’s blood to ice. She had already empirically proven that her crush was not going to go away. If Estelle’s own feelings were anything short of matching Rita's own, the chance of her managing it would be thrown out the window. What, then - would she have to live the rest of her life with her heart constantly tugging at her? Agonising over something impossible? … Given her past, that wouldn’t surprise her.

To make things worse, even if Estelle said yes, that probably wouldn’t be the end of Rita’s troubles. After all, Estelle is a princess. Rita didn't know much about what princesses were actually supposed to do, but she was fairly certain there were no allowances for being...  _ involved _ with some random commoner orphan mage. The odds of anything ever happening between them was... dauntingly miniscule. 

And on top of all that, Estelle was  _ Estelle _ . Without question, she was the most admirable person alive. She had a whole world of other people to choose from - there was no way she couldn’t find someone better. Rita was no noble, upstanding knight, or dashing, mysterious rogue. She was just… Rita. Her and Estelle…? No way. Impossible.

So… if it was impossible for her and Estelle to be together - even with the assumption that she returned Rita’s crush - then there was nothing to be done. It was a crazy idea anyway, she had important research to do! She didn’t have time to... play house, or something equally dumb, with some girl who just wandered into her life. It was time to move on, and focus on another solution. And, being Rita Mordio, it would not be long before she came up with such a solution. It was relatively simple, but could prove quite effective: get away from Estelle. Then, stay away, until her unwanted feelings for the princess went away for good.

She had to admit, it was far from ideal. The concept of being away from Estelle filled Rita with dread, and she figured it wouldn't be well-received by Estelle either. But what choice did she have? Her own uncontrollable heart had given her no choice - no, this was for the best. For both of them. Estelle would understand that, eventually… right?

However, while Estelle was still on this crazy quest, it was equally crazy for Rita to even consider abandoning her. Especially when Estelle was then kidnapped and… basically tortured by that bastard Alexei.  _ Especially _ when it was at least partly Rita’s own fault, for just letting her run off by herself. Deciphering all the lore they learned in Myorzo could’ve waited a little bit. No matter how unbearable her emotions became, she knew Estelle’s safety had to come first.

Of course, they managed to rescue Estelle, but as a consequence, Rita found herself very protective of the princess. As they fought through Zaude to end Alexei’s schemes, keeping Estelle from harm was always her top priority. It couldn’t continue - she needed to get a handle on things soon, before her crush ruined everything. Thankfully, Rita got her opportunity once they had finally defeated Alexei. Yuri had disappeared in Zaude’s partial collapse, but with the fortress still holding the Adephagos back, they had some time before they’d have to fight in earnest again. 

Between Estelle running her own search efforts for Yuri outside of Zaude, and Rita researching what secrets were inside - and looking for that reckless idiot herself - she had cause to be optimistic for once. There was the massive research opportunity that had been thrown in her lap, and the chance to surprise Estelle by finding their de facto leader - and repay said leader for letting her tag along on their journey, as well. Also, she should probably scold him for making Estelle worry. Rita never had any doubts that he’d survived, but he needed to be dragged out of whatever hole he'd trapped himself in. Besides all that, though, it was also the perfect opportunity for her to see if her theory about spending time away from Estelle held any water.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, though, it didn’t. Even though Estelle wasn’t there in person, she was still very present in Rita’s mind. One moment, she’d be making a breakthrough on how Zaude worked, and what this meant for her aer control theories, and the next - just briefly - she’d wonder about Estelle. What was she doing? Was she alright? Had she found Yuri already? Maybe Rita just needed more time. It had only been a couple of weeks by the time her findings were complete, and her and Judith could be certain that they’d scoured the entirety of Zaude for Yuri, in vain.

And then, it didn’t matter at all, because who would show up only a couple days after Rita had returned to Aspio, but Estelle herself? With Yuri alongside her, to boot. Still, she was unable to feel even the slightest annoyance that her plan had failed. Even with her crush on the princess looming over every moment they spent together, there was no denying that the pure happiness Estelle showed was worth anything. Rita wanted nothing more than to enjoy these moments, but with her emotions growing so uncontrollable, it only felt more and more impossible.

Sometimes Rita had to wonder what she had done wrong in a past life, to be stuck in this horrible situation. Some genius she was… she couldn’t even work out what to do about her own feelings. Every time she came up with a new theory, it only made her problems worse. What else could she do? All her vaunted logic was meaningless against something so absolutely illogical. It was completely hopeless - she was going to be doomed to misery by her own stupid heart, wanting something utterly absurd. Or, maybe misery was just her fate, and it would be waiting for her no matter how hard she tried to avoid it…

“Hey, Rita.” 

Yuri had called out to her from the head of the party. 

“We’re here already... what did you need to get...?”

Rita checked around - right, Capua Nor. She wanted to pick up some parts and pieces, to put together that makeshift Dein Nomos. Reminding herself of the mental list she’d made, she nodded back at their black-clad leader. He responded with a raised eyebrow, which Rita ignored as she walked toward the market.

“I just need to pick up a few things here. It shouldn’t take too long.”

Before she could tell everyone they can just do whatever waiting for her, she heard another pair of footsteps trailing after her. Estelle.

“Can I join you?” The pink-haired princess’ voice was as sweet and innocent as ever.

Rita sighed internally, as her cheeks tinted pink.  _ Every time... I suppose I shouldn’t complain. It’s not like I don’t enjoy being around Estelle... _

“Uh… yeah.” Turning back to the rest of the party, she regained her full composure. “You guys can all just wait at the inn, if you want.”

With that said, the two girls departed for the Capua Nor market. Estelle hurried to catch up and walk beside Rita - just close enough to set off the mage’s crush and make her conscious of every little thing that was happening.

“I’m so glad there’s something I can do to help you out with this,” Estelle enthused, “I might not know enough to help with what you’re doing, but at least I can be the best shopping assistant ever!”

It always managed to catch Rita out, how excited Estelle could get at even the most mundane things. It was one thing that she hoped would never change.

“I-It’s fine... really,” Rita stuttered in response, “Anyway, the first thing we need to get…”

* * *

“... And that should be everything, right?” Estelle asked, having finished collecting the last of the items Rita had tasked her with. She held her bulging bag in front of her with both hands, without the slightest complaint. 

“Yeah,” Rita confirmed, “That’s everything.”

“These bags are completely packed,” Estelle exclaimed, as she re-adjusted to get a better grip on her bag, “I guess it was a good thing you had me along, huh?”

Rita’s heart trembled for a moment at her smile. 

“Yeah… thanks, Estelle.”

“Hey, Rita…” Estelle adjusted her sight to look at something behind Rita, “Why don’t we take a break before we head back to the inn? Say... at that really nice-looking cafe over there…?”   
  


Rita looked over her shoulder. She saw the cafe Estelle meant, but it looked just like an ordinary cafe to her. Still, she was hardly going to deny the princess a well-earned rest - besides, she could definitely use one herself. Rita’s crush had dictated that she pick up all the heavy tools, to avoid straining Estelle. Even though Estelle was the one who had the strength to wield a sword and shield properly… another crushing defeat for logic.

Rita shook off her train of thought. “Sure...” she replied, making sure not to sound too over-burdened, “You lead the way.”

* * *

On entering the cafe, Estelle found it largely deserted - probably because most of its regulars had already evacuated the city. After ordering their coffees, the princess made sure to take a table in the back - far enough from everyone else for them to speak, and not be overheard. That was more for Rita's sake than hers, though, as Estelle was planning on discussing something that was probably quite sensitive. It was hard for her not to notice that Rita’s behaviour had changed, ever since she had rejoined their group.

Estelle had always thought of Rita as being free of doubt, singularly focused on what mattered to her, but that didn’t seem to be the case, lately. Increasingly often, she saw this worried, troubled expression on the mage’s face. Perhaps Estelle was just imagining things, but no matter how much she tried to tell herself that, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. If it was bad enough to shake the unflappable Rita Mordio, it had to be terrible indeed. And as her best friend, Estelle felt it was her responsibility to help Rita overcome it.

… Was that too much? Estelle sometimes wondered if she was a bit  _ too  _ interested in spending time with Rita. The strength of that desire left her wondering about where it had come from… but it just meant they were really  _ best  _ best friends, right? Rita was just so… so strong, and able to do anything she wanted. When Estelle was with her, it made her feel like she could draw on that strength, too. And besides that, having someone like Rita in her life made Estelle  _ so  _ overwhelmingly happy - almost beyond words. It was a feeling she never wanted to end, even if, deep down, she knew it had to, one day. For now, at least, they could travel together a little longer. But… could she just let Rita carry on like this?

As Estelle drank the last sip of her coffee, she was still pondering how she would bring up the subject of Rita’s worries with her. She then realised the pair hadn’t talked much since sitting down - the princess had been too engaged in her own thoughts to speak. Thankfully, it seemed that Rita was doing the same thing, and hadn't noticed. Except… that was probably bad. Rather than risk losing her opportunity, Estelle decided to just start talking.

“Um, Rita…” Estelle began, “I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit… distracted, lately. Is there… something bothering you?”

“Hm…? Oh...” Rita’s eyes widened in a flash of surprise, “I-It’s fine… I’ve just had a lot to think about lately. A lot of the stuff we’re doing now has no scientific basis, so... I’m just trying to make sure everything will work like we want it to… like the makeshift Dein Nomos. I have to make sure it works perfectly...”

Rita trailed off, with that doubtful expression on her face. 

_ No… that’s not what you’re worried about.  _

Estelle knew when the mage was focused on her work, whether it was aer or blastia, or something less familiar, like mana or spirits. Whatever it was, Rita would have this look of absolute determination. She knew what she was doing, and had total faith in her own ability to work out the answer. It was a look Estelle recognised easily, and something she took comfort in. 

Even in her darkest moment, when she was held captive by Alexei, when every use of her power wracked her body with pain… when she couldn’t control her body anymore… she just needed to think of Rita. Rita, working on one of the hoplon blastia in Egothor Forest, working with complete confidence that she would disable it, and protect what was important to her. Estelle had never known it was possible to be so joyful, watching another person work on something important to them.

The look on her face now was entirely at odds with her confidence back then - wracked with indecision and uncertainty. Now, more than ever, Estelle had to confront Rita on this.

“No,” Estelle finally replied. Rita could be stubborn, so she had to be firm. “You’re not thinking about that, I can tell. There’s something else that you’re worried about.”

The mage shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “... And how, exactly, do you know that?” She spoke with a defensive tone in her voice.

“Because I’ve never seen you this unsure about anything before. Rita, you’re the smartest person I know - you’re probably the smartest person in the world,” Rita looked down, her face flushing red, as Estelle continued, “I know that, and I know that you know that. There’s so much you’ve already done that seemed impossible… you can do  _ anything  _ if you set your mind to it.”

For a moment, Rita looked completely stunned. Then, her face fell again, and she slumped deeper into her seat.  

_ Oh no… did I go too far…? _

“I wish…” 

Estelle only barely caught the mumble escaping from Rita’s mouth. She said more, but her voice was too low for Estelle to understand. 

“Rita…” The princess leaned forward and attempted to look the mage in the eye, “Whatever it is that’s troubling you… maybe it has nothing to do with the Adephagos. Or, maybe it does - either way, if it bothers you, it’s important. And… I want to help you through it.”

Reaching her hand across the table, Estelle attempted to place it over one of Rita’s in a show of support. But by the time she reached her, the hand was pulled away, and a twinge of sadness formed in Estelle’s heart. Rita then turned her head fully away from Estelle, focusing on the floor off to the side. 

“It’s... really not something you should concern yourself with. It’s… not really the kind of thing other people can help with, anyway…”

Estelle shook her head. “I don’t believe that. It doesn’t matter what it is, Rita… I want to help you. Even if I can’t do much, even if I can only talk to you about it, I still want to help. You’ve already done so much for me. I’d feel terrible if I couldn’t help when you needed it.”

“You already helped me…” Rita's voice was above a whisper, but still lacked strength. Her head hung limp, as she slouched to one side in her chair, “Back in Heliord, remember? You saved my life…”

Frowning in response, Estelle prepared her reply. 

_ And that means I should back off now? Sorry, Rita, but I'm going to have to insist. _

“And what about you? When my power was out of control, you were the one who figured out how to stop it. You… you gave me my life back!” Estelle felt her face begin to heat up, “And then you created the spirits, and gave us a chance of stopping the Adephagos, and... your magic artes are always really, really cool, and, and--”

“O-Okay, that’s enough, geez!” Blushing furiously, Rita interrupted Estelle’s stream of consciousness. “I’ll tell you what’s been bothering me, just… stop talking about all that stuff. It’s... really embarrassing, when you talk like that…”

Estelle stifled a giggle. 

_ I’m sorry, Rita, but I promise you I’ll make sure it’s worth it.  _

She quickly became confused, however, as the mage rose from her seat, and collected her bag.

“I can’t tell you here, though,” Rita explained. “Let’s go somewhere a bit quieter.”

Nodding her approval, Estelle got up herself, picking up her own bag, and followed Rita out of the cafe.

* * *

_ Well, Rita, you’ve certainly earned the right to be called a genius today… _

Thankfully, it wasn’t too hard to find a deserted side street in Capua Nor, now that most of the population had fled the Adephagos. The one Rita had decided on actually came with a good view of the ocean. Of course, she really wasn’t one for gawking at scenery or whatever, but Estelle liked these kinds of things, so that was… good...

_ Wait - what the hell am I  _ doing!?  _ There’s no way I can talk about… any of that stuff to Estelle! Why did I let her talk me into this!? I really am an idiot… _

“Um, Rita…?”

Estelle’s voice broke Rita out of her self-admonishment. She then realised she had just stopped in the middle of the alley, after setting down her bag against the wall - she hadn’t even turned back to face Estelle. Rita did so, and almost immediately regretted that, too.

“Oh Rita… you’re getting that look on your face again.” 

_ Dammit, Estelle! Why do you always have to be so… so nice…?  _

The princess smiled at Rita “I meant what I said before, you know. No matter what your problem is, I’ll always be here for you.”

Rita felt as though she was about to die of embarrassment. 

_ How can she just… say things like that!? _

Scrunching her eyes shut in concentration, the mage began to focus on finding a way out of this predicament.

_ Okay, fine. I’m not getting out of this without telling Estelle something. There’s also no way I can lie to her, without her figuring it out. But, I still can’t just tell her I have a crush on her! Maybe… there’s a way around it…? _

A frown formed on her head, as she tried to think of something she could tell Estelle that might suffice. 

_ But, the only thing that comes close is...  can I really talk to Estelle about  _ that? _ I don’t even want to bring myself to _ think _ about it… _

Rita glanced up at the princess. She smiled gently back, a smile that somehow prodded at Rita, silently appealing to her to speak, whenever she was ready. 

_ This is such a crazy idea, totally insane... but if there was ever a time and a place to talk about  _ that _ … I guess it’d be here, with Estelle. Maybe, if I can… I can be honest with her. _

“Okay,” Rita took a moment to steady her feelings. Then another. 

_ And... now I’m just stalling… _

“So, I can’t really… say it…” Estelle tilted her head in confusion, as Rita began to find the courage to speak properly once again. “At least, not exactly. But, I will! It’s just… I need to explain a couple of things first… I think.”

Estelle’s smile grew a little, and, just briefly, it all seemed worth it.

“I’ll listen to whatever you have to say, Rita.”

“Okay, great. It’s just… I’ve not really talked about this stuff before. Actually, I’ve never talked to anybody about this. I kinda thought… if I ignored it for long enough, it’d go away…”

And then, when she started to think she could go through with her plan, all her courage dissipated. Just like that. 

_ N-No, this is a terrible idea - the worst thing I’ve ever thought of. How would talking about something totally different help anything? I’m going to ruin  _ everything _ with Estelle… why am I like this…!? _

Estelle was still patiently waiting for her to continue, the smile still present on her face, as if Rita wasn't being a total unreasonable disaster of a human being.

_ It's almost like she actually cares about me… _

Suddenly, it struck Rita, like so many flashes of inspiration before. The real reason she had fallen so hard for Estelle. She’d spent all this time worrying about what to do about her crush, she had never examined why it existed in the first place. Estelle hadn't just saved Rita’s life back in Heliord, she'd shown a genuine interest in Rita as a human being. Not just Rita Mordio, the Genius Mage. How could she have missed something so obvious?

Actually, Rita thought of a couple of reasons almost immediately. But that didn’t matter - her internal revelation had given her the strength to carry on.

“So,” Rita began again, “Did you ever wonder why everyone back in Aspio thought I was a weirdo? Or why I lived by myself, away from everyone else?”

Estelle took her time responding, choosing her words carefully. “I had… wondered, once or twice.”

Rita wasn't surprised. But that was good - if Estelle was concerned about those things, maybe she really  _ was _ the right person to talk to about all this. Maybe.

“Okay,” the mage continued, “Did I ever mention what I did before I went to Aspio?”

Estelle responded without missing a beat. “You said you were an orphan, but… nothing besides that.”

That was correct. When Rita first mentioned that, Estelle had stopped asking. Just like everyone else did. She had found it was the best way to stop people from prying too deeply. But…

“So, about that…” Rita found her feet nervously shuffling beneath her, and forced them to stop. “Well, it’s... kind of a lie. My parents didn’t abandon me, or… or die.” Rita paused for a moment, before muttering, “As far as I know…”

Estelle nodded in understanding. “You ran away from them, then?”

“Yeah… they weren’t good people. At all.” 

Rita tried to say more, but putting what had happened into words still seemed such an impossible task to her. Even so, she was here, actually talking about the subject she dreaded to even think about. It was… something, she guessed. Estelle certainly seemed to be listening and accepting everything she was saying so far - then again, this was Estelle. If there was one thing in the world that Rita knew with certainty, it’s that Estelle’s kindness was unlimited. Her compassion was the one thing that was keeping her going, when her body felt like a stiff breeze would otherwise knock her over.

_ But… I still don’t feel like I can talk about how I have a crush on her… but maybe getting all this stuff off my chest will be good for something, anyway…? _

“They were blastia researchers…” the mage resumed, “But we were travelling around all different places doing research, so I think they might’ve been working for Ruins’ Gate. They were trying to figure out the Rizomata Formula - not that that matters, now...”

Rita suddenly folded her arms and looked out over the ocean - but this time, she wasn’t avoiding anything. Rather, she was focusing on memories she hadn’t touched in over five years. Estelle just kept watching, the princess patiently waiting for Rita to decide on her own what she would say next, and when.

“When I was a little kid, things were… mostly fine, I think. But my parents… their research wasn’t going well. They started arguing more and more… then I started getting yelled at, as well. If I messed up a formula, or accidentally dropped a blastia, or… just said the wrong thing…”

“Rita…” Estelle exhaled, as if she wanted to say something in support, but couldn’t find the words.

“Then they… started hitting me.” Rita heard Estelle’s sharp intake of breath in response, but continued regardless. 

“Nothing I did was ever good enough. I was stupid, or lazy, or I just wanted to ruin their research… it never ended. Eventually, one time… I couldn’t take it anymore. I ran off, and kept running until I got to the nearest town. And that... happened to be Aspio.”

Rita braced herself for Estelle's response, but nothing was said. Then, a single footstep prompted her to spin her head back towards the princess, who was slowly reaching out to her. She took a step back in response, and Estelle's arm lowered, deflated.

Silently cursing herself for upsetting Estelle, Rita took another deep breath. “I'm not finished yet, actually…”

“Oh, I-I'm sorry...”

Rita cringed at herself for causing Estelle's unnecessary apology. In truth, she had finished - she hadn’t seen her parents since she ran away. But... it didn’t feel right to her, just to end things there. She still didn’t have it in her to confess her feelings, but maybe she could try and explain why Estelle was so important to her…? There had never been anyone in Rita’s life who even remotely compared to the princess. If she explained that… maybe Estelle would understand?

Lacking any better ideas, Rita pressed on. “I-It’s fine… anyway, once I got to Aspio, I figured out pretty quickly that what my parents taught me, was way beyond what most of the researchers knew. A lot of them wondered how I knew so much - though I think a couple of the older ones used to know my parents. But I never said anything when they asked… and eventually, they just stopped asking.”

“But if your knowledge of blastia is based on what your parents taught you, then how did you--”

“How did I work on blastia without thinking of them? Well, when you avoid doing something for long enough, it eventually becomes something you just do naturally. Like getting people to leave me alone - I had to do that a lot when I first arrived.”

“Because after your parents… you couldn’t trust any random stranger not to do the same,” Estelle surmised.

Rita felt a pang in her chest. 

_ She… understands? How can Estelle be so-- _

“Y-Yeah, exactly,” she stammered out. 

There was no way she was going to let herself stop now. Even in Rita’s wildest dreams, she never imagined that Estelle could be this compassionate. If it had to end after today, then she’d just have to make the most of it.

“There was always someone who wanted to talk to me. I never knew their exact reasons, but it wasn’t like I ever needed them for anything, so I just insulted them until they went away. Eventually, I published enough research, and got enough of a grant to get my workshop built, and then it was much easier to ignore everyone. I could focus entirely on my work, and by that point everyone in town knew how to deal with me.”

“Which was…?”

Rita smirked, as a memory bubbled to the surface. “I remember overhearing some new guy trying to say something to me before someone else stopped them for a lecture - this was about a year after I started living in Aspio. It went something like… ‘You just let Mordio do her own thing, and maybe eventually she'll publish her findings, and then you can see how much smarter she is than you’.”

She snickered as she remembered the look on the newcomer’s face when she scowled at the pair of them. But that mirth was short-lived, once she saw the downcast expression on Estelle’s face.

“... Weren’t you lonely, though? If you spent all that time by yourself, without friends?”

“No, I wasn’t. You don’t miss what you never had. As long as I had my research, I was fine.” Folding her arms, Rita added, ”Blastia were better company than anyone in that town, anyway.”

“But...” Estelle raised an eyebrow in confusion, “You had to want to have human friends too, right? I mean, why else did you keep travelling with us…?”

_ Oh... right. _

In between the escalating level of drama in their travels, and Rita and Estelle becoming so close… the princess had never worked out what Rita’s initial reasons for travelling with them were. She was so fixated on becoming friends that she had never once wondered...

“You were the one who convinced me to keep going in Halure,” Estelle continued, “When Leblanc tried to get me to go back to the capital…”

_ Dammit… I guess this was going to come up sooner or later, though… _

Rita briefly considered lying to Estelle - but no, she could never lie to her. Not now, not ever.

“It was... because of your power - your healing artes,” Rita clarified. “I’d never seen anything like them before. I wanted to study them, so I just… made up a reason...”

She stopped short of saying how she hoped that researching Estelle’s power would lead to the greatest scientific breakthrough in recorded history. Maybe  _ then _ , she’d have accomplished something worthwhile, and justified her existence. Ironically, she did wind up making that kind of breakthrough… but it wasn’t anything like what she had imagined such a groundbreaking discovery to be.

Rita was waiting for Estelle to respond somehow, but… she didn’t. Her head was tilted back, a faraway look in her eye, not a sound coming from her body. It wasn't hard to guess why. Who wants to be told that they were seen as a research subject, and not a person? Rita might have gotten away from her parents, but they were still with her, present in her actions, and her words.

_ … I've turned out just like them. Maybe it’s for the best, then, if Estelle hates me now. She deserves better than me, anyway… _

But Rita couldn’t let things end there - she had to tell Estelle why she was so important. She deserved that much, at least.

“That changed, though,” Rita said, breaking the silence between them. “In Heliord. When you… you saved my life.”

Estelle returned her gaze to Rita. 

“I never thought anyone would’ve thought me worth the trouble to save,” Rita continued, “I mean, I'm supposed to be this great genius, and I couldn't even stop one lousy blastia from blowing up. I was such a failure, but you… you thought I was still worth something…”

“Of course I did, Rita,” Estelle was smiling now, having regained her spirit. “You're… you're you. You don't need to be anything more.”

Rita felt a wave of relief at seeing Estelle smile again - being sad didn't suit her. The princess had sounded like she wanted to say something else, but lacked the words. It didn't matter to Rita - she'd said enough. She felt like laughing at the stupidity of her earlier thoughts - there was no way Estelle could hate her. She was too… Estelle, for that.

“You’re right,” Rita acknowledged, “That was just… a hard thing for me to accept, I guess. But you were the one who showed me that, and because you did…”

Her throat caught on something. 

_ No, I can’t stop now. _

“You were really important to me-- are,” Rita corrected herself. “Are really important to me… Estelle.”

It was... weird. She was shaking from nerves, but Rita’s feet were frozen in place. She only just caught the faint blush that had formed on Estelle's cheeks as a result of her words. But she’d done it. Sort of. Of course, this was only half the battle. There was still no way she could tell Estelle just  _ how  _ important, and special, and wonderful, and amazing she was to Rita. Or how trying to live without her around was basically impossible.

“Th-thanks, Rita…” The words tumbled out of Estelle’s mouth. She paused, and just like that, regained her composure. “It can’t have been easy to talk about… I hope talking to me helped.”

Rita nodded. “I think it did, yeah…”

It really did. For the first time, Rita didn't feel like she had to hide from her childhood memories. A massive weight had been removed from her shoulders, one that she didn't even realise she was carrying.

“I'm glad I could, then,” Estelle smiled, “You deserve to be happy.”

Rita felt a pang in her chest again, as her mind detected a hidden subtext beneath Estelle’s words. She reflexively suppressed it.

“Um, so, the thing that’s troubling you…” Estelle trailed off as she struggled to find the words, “Is it to do with your parents, then? Do you want to… know what happened to them, or…?”

“No. I don’t.” 

In truth, Rita was not thrilled at the prospect. Not for the possibility of seeing them again - she hadn’t learned some of the most deadly magic artes in Terca Lumieres just for research.  Rather, she could make an educated guess at the truth. In the five years since Rita arrived in Aspio, she had become one of the most famous blastia researchers in the world. Given that, if her parents wanted to see her again, it would not have been difficult. No, that chapter of her life was read and closed - for good, this time.

“Um...” Estelle’s voice wavered, “So… what is it, then…?”

Rita closed her eyes, and attempted to find the resolve to speak. 

_ … No. No, I still can't… dammit! What the hell am I going to  _ do _!? _

“Because if it’s not to do with your parents, then…” Estelle wasn't going to take no for an answer, certainly not now. “The only other thing I can think of is…”

_ Oh no. _

_ No, no, she can’t… she can’t possibly-- _

Suddenly, Rita was consumed by a primal instinct - to run, to get away, to somewhere, anywhere but  _ right here _ . 

Then, something else happened that stopped her before she started.

“Rita.” 

Estelle. Firm, but caring and kind, in that way that made Rita feel… 

“Please. You’re important to me too, so… you have to understand. I… I want you to be happy, and…”

There was definitely something else that Estelle wasn’t saying. Rita’s mind deduced a likely conclusion, but there was no way it had any basis in reality. 

There was no way Estelle could ever love her.

Rita froze at the thought.

Love.

It was a completely alien concept to her. Love was something that happened to other people. Not her, never her. But now… now she was--

Rita cleared her throat. “It’s okay,” she forced herself to speak. She’d rather anything but dwell on  _ that thought _ . “I still... just don’t have the words for it.”

“No, it’s not okay,” Estelle insisted, “I’m sorry for pressuring you. I wanted to help so much, I didn't realise... it was thoughtless of me to--”

“No, it’s fine, Estelle. I don’t mind… talking about it with you.” 

_ Wait. What am I saying? _

There was this strange, new feeling in Rita. Something which gave her confidence, pushed her over the edge, and allowed her to find that answer she’d been looking for, for so very long. She didn’t know where it came from, but something was comforting in its… certainty. In the face of overwhelming uncertainty everywhere else, she went with it.

“I might not have the words,” she continued, “But I think I can… show you.”

“Show me…?” Estelle tilted her head, puzzled.

“Y-Yeah. Um… do you trust me…?”

That feeling in Rita was already dissipating, but she continued to cling to it, for as long as she was able.

“Of course I do.”

“Okay, then, can you close your eyes…?”

Estelle obliged, while Rita’s certainty had faded to little more than a flickering suspicion. Still, she knew what she was  _ trying _ to do, what she  _ wanted  _ to do. But with every fraction of a second, her anxieties crept back into her mind, her certainty retreated, and she was left with nothing but that familiar, old feeling of dread and misery.

It wasn't anything she hadn't dealt with before - that's what she had to tell herself. Just one more time, she had to focus. Focus, and collect every last remaining bit of reason in her body. She’d find a way through this uncertainty, right?

* * *

It’s hard to concentrate in your own mind when half of it is yelling at you.

_ What am I doing, what am I doing, what am I  _ doing!? 

Those words echoed constantly in Rita’s mind, as she tried to calculate a way out of this horrible, torturous, impossible situation. There is just no way - no way at all - that what she wanted could become reality. At the core of it, no matter what, Estelle was a princess of the Empire, and Rita was… nobody. But still, the thought of ever being apart from her, again, was as unbearable as ever.

She risked another glance at Estelle. To no surprise, she was still patiently waiting, a look of absolute serenity on her face. Perfectly still, perfectly… Estelle. 

Her heart fluttered at that last thought, and in response, Rita clenched her fist, as if doing that would quell the roaring tide of emotions within her. But there was no use putting this off any longer. Estelle deserved the answer. As much as Rita couldn’t  _ ever _ do this, she  _ had _ to. Because if she didn't, Estelle would think she didn't trust her... and that would be even worse.

Swallowing her hesitation, Rita stepped forward, bridging the gap between herself and Estelle. She leaned forward, angling herself to the left, so she stopped just short of the princess’ right cheek. She almost felt Estelle stiffen in response, and Rita had to, again, suppress the urge to run away, there and then.

She moved her head just a bit closer, leaving her face hovering just over Estelle’s cheek. If she was going to do this, she had to make sure there would be no room for doubt about… what this means. Calling on all the courage in her body to calm herself, Rita gently, but firmly, placed her lips right against the center of Estelle's cheek. Her skin was the smoothest, softest thing Rita had ever touched, and for the briefest moment, she dared to dream of moving over to Estelle’s mouth - but no, she couldn’t, she just… she couldn’t. Not now… not ever.

All too soon, the moment was over. Estelle exhaled in surprise, the feeling of her breath against Rita’s neck making her body tingle in protest, as she backed away in retreat. Her cheeks, already warm, felt like they exploded in flames. Her heart and mind were in discord - her heart pleaded to get closer again, but her mind demanded she get away, before she made Estelle uncomfortable. Well,  _ more _ uncomfortable, at least. Unable to choose between her conflicting emotions, Rita focused her gaze on the ground, holding her head down. She could try to brace herself for what was to come, but she absolutely could not look at Estelle, when she told her what she had already told herself a million times.

_ It can’t happen… it can  _ never  _ happen... _

* * *

As Estelle’s initial shock of realising that Rita -  _ Rita _ , her closest and best friend - had just kissed her wore off, her senses began to flood with sensations. First, there was the feeling of breathlessness within her, intertwined with surprise and... this wonderful warmth. Then, as Rita broke away, the part of her cheek where she had been kissed still felt ablaze. Estelle’s awareness then shifted to the feeling of fabric slipping between her fingers. Opening her eyes, she looked down for a fraction of a second to see her left hand had tried, and failed, to grasp Rita’s sleeve. 

Looking back up, she saw that already, Rita had returned to where she originally was, before Estelle closed her eyes. It wasn’t far at all, but to Estelle it was like a mountain had risen up between them. Seeing the mage stare intently at the ground, holding her head low, unable to even risk a glance toward Estelle… she could feel her heart break at seeing Rita like that.

She might still be a sheltered princess in so many ways, and the few romance books she’d read might be terrible guides on the real thing, but Estelle didn’t need anything to tell her what her feelings in this moment meant. Everything made so much sense now - how being with Rita made her so ecstatic, why she wanted to help her beyond all reason... and why it hurt so badly when Rita told her why she had originally joined their group.

Estelle knew what that meant, now, with all her heart. All that remained, was to tell Rita.

“Rita…” she whispered, hoping that the other girl would pick up on her implicit plea.

Rita didn’t respond. Estelle was about to call out again, when she suddenly started speaking again, of her own volition.

“L-Look, Estelle…” The mage kept her gaze fixed to the ground, “I know this is totally crazy. I mean… y-you’re a princess and… and, everything, and…”

“Rita.” 

_ Please, just look at me, just one more time... _

Rita still wasn’t reacting to Estelle’s calls.

“There’s probably, like… a thousand nobles who want to marry you or something, but... “ 

Estelle’s heart panged at those words.  _ But they’re not-- they’re not  _ you _ …! _

“Rita!”

But Rita wouldn't stop rambling. 

“It’s just… you’re  _ so _ amazing. You’re good, and kind, and you try to help everyone, no matter what, and you see the good parts of, like, everyone, and--”

“RITA!!” 

It had taken Estelle yelling at the top of her voice, but finally, Rita’s rambling came to an end. Her head rose, and for a fleeting moment, Estelle caught the deep flush on Rita’s face. The moment ended, though, and her gaze fell back to the ground again, but at least now, she might just listen to Estelle.

Except… Estelle couldn’t find the words herself. The words that would express this intense, wondrous feeling inside her, this marvelous sensation of... right-ness, now that she knew, with certainty, what Rita meant to her. How could she, when Rita - who obviously shared that feeling, and is really, incredibly smart - couldn’t think of anything, either?

So, she didn’t say a word. Instead, she stepped over to Rita, and before the mage could do anything but look up once more, she wrapped her arms around her. Rita shivered in shock at her touch… but she didn’t try to break away.

“It’s okay, Rita,” Estelle whispered into her ear, and as if to emphasise her point, she squeezed the mage, just a bit. The only thing that occupied her mind, was how wonderful that moment was.

Estelle pulled away slightly, still holding Rita, and stared directly into her sparkling green eyes, almost mirrors of her own. The flush on her face continued to deepen, leaving Rita’s face as red as the robes she wore.

“I… I feel the same way…” 

Estelle’s murmur was almost an afterthought, and yet also enough for Rita’s quivering mouth to smile. It made the princess aware of the trembling of her own lips - and her sudden desire to meet Rita’s mouth with hers. Leaning in and closing her eyes, she felt a final squirm of nervousness within her embrace, as she pressed her lips against Rita’s.

A moment of shock later, Rita pressed back into the kiss, and lifted her arms to return Estelle’s embrace. Her senses overloaded with every sensation: the tender touch of Rita’s soft lips against hers, the way she let herself slowly relax more and more into Estelle’s arms, and in turn, hold the princess closer in her own grasp. And throughout their kiss, one thought stood serenely atop all others in Estelle’s mind: she loved Rita Mordio.

* * *

_ This is real, right…? _

For Rita, every single worry and anxiety she had held had disappeared, with the affection of one beautiful princess. Estelle’s kiss was soft, and sweet, and kind, and caring, and everything she had fallen for since they first met.

After what felt like a blissful eternity, the pair broke apart. Rita couldn’t help but grin bashfully, with her eyes still focused on Estelle, while she slowly burst into a fit of giggles. The mage was content to watch for a while - there were very few sounds that Rita would prize over Estelle’s pure sounds of joy. She carried on, and on, and on… and Rita began to wonder what exactly Estelle was laughing about.

“Wh-what’s so funny…?” The tremble in Rita’s voice did nothing to unsettle the smile on her face.

Estelle removed her arms from Rita’s back, who in turn released Estelle. Wiping a tear from her eye, she finally seemed to get a hold on her laughter.

“Sorry, it’s just… it’s so silly…!” Another outburst of giggles overtook her.

Rita’s chest was suddenly wracked with a terrible ache, as she waited for Estelle to finish.

“It’s just… I’ve had this feeling for so long!” Rita silently sighed in relief, “I thought it was just because we were best friends, but…”

_ Oh.  _

It suddenly dawned on Rita that, perhaps if she hadn't been so hung up on how impossible it seemed for Estelle to think of her in this way, she might've seen this coming. 

_ Oh…  _ dammit! _ I’m such an idiot! _

“Y-You... could’ve told me, y’know!?” Rita turned away in mock ire.

Estelle giggled once again, “I could say the same thing to you, too.”

This time, both girls burst out laughing.

_ I guess it  _ was  _ kind of silly…  _

Eventually, the pair managed to calm themselves down. However... there was one thing still nagging Rita in the back of her mind, something she knew she had to put to rest before she could… commit to anything with Estelle.

“Hey, uh, Estelle,” Rita scratched the back of her head absentmindedly, “There aren’t gonna be any problems with us… y’know…” She blushed, struggling to make her mouth say the next word.

_ Geez, how pathetic am I? We… we kissed, and I still can’t even talk properly about… us... _

Not that Rita’s inability to talk was an issue for Estelle. “Being… more than friends? Like… girlfriends?”

The mage nodded vigorously, as Estelle tilted her head, a confused smirk working its way onto her face.

“Why would there be a problem with that?”

“W-Well, yeah, I mean, if we’re…” Rita felt her body tense up again. 

_ No. If Estelle can say it, I can too. _

“... Girlfriends… isn’t that going to cause problems for you? I mean, since you’re part of the royal family, aren’t they going to want you to… I dunno, marry some other noble family for an alliance, or have an heir or something?”

Estelle hadn’t stopped smiling. “No.”

_ What? _

“No?”

“I mean, there probably are people who are going to want me to do all those things,” Estelle elaborated, “But, besides the fact that I’m pretty sure Ioder wouldn’t let them, I really don’t want to.” 

The princess was beaming, liberated just from speaking those words, “I really don’t want to do  _ any _ of those things.”

Rita just stared incredulously. She figured that Estelle didn’t actually have the stomach for all that political crap, but for her to just outright reject all of it…?

“I’ve… never told anyone that. To tell you the truth, Rita, I never once wanted to be Empress. I just... I always felt that I’d be stuck with that life, Empress or princess, no matter what, so I wouldn’t allow myself to even consider the thought.”

“So… what changed…?” Rita’s voice became a little higher and softer as she spoke.

“Well, travelling with everyone showed me all the different things I could do, instead of just sit around in a castle, but more than that… you were the first girl I met who wouldn’t let anyone tell her what to do, ever. I mean, I did run away from the castle, but I never thought I'd stay away… I'd be forced back before too long.”

A tranquil smile spread across Estelle's face. “You'd never let someone do that to you, though. I started wondering, then, how you’d react to someone trying to make you into the perfect, obedient Empress. Mostly, it ended in fireballs,” Estelle giggled, “I… always admired that about you. At first, I wanted to learn to be more like that, but it wasn’t long before I realised I could never be… quite as amazing as you.”

The mage felt her cheeks begin to warm up again, matching the blush forming on Estelle’s face, but even that was secondary, compared to the happiness that began to overtake her. Happiness that could override any embarrassment, happiness born of the fact that she had somehow  _ inspired  _ Estelle. With that now empowering her, Rita’s old worries seemed smaller with every passing second. 

Staring into Estelle’s eyes, Rita could almost sense the princess’ internal amazement that she could express such things. Knowing that Estelle felt comfortable saying these words to her, to speak her truest feelings, filled Rita with a confidence unlike anything she had ever experienced.

No, that wasn't quite right. She had experienced this before. This was what her certainty, before she kissed Estelle, had felt like. It was like… like her crush on Estelle had thrown away all its limitations, and encompassed her entire being. 

_ So this… this must be what love is… _

Breaking the silence, Rita whispered, “Nobody’s ever said anything like that to me before…”

Estelle simply grinned in response. Grinning back, Rita took the princess’ right hand with her left, raising it delicately, and interlocking their fingers. There wasn’t a hint of hesitation in her voice when she continued speaking. 

“So, let’s say we stop the Adephagos. Right after that, Ioder shows up with, like, a hundred Imperial Knights, and he tells you you’ve got to go back to the castle, and you’ve got to stay there forever. What do you do?”

This was so unlike Rita, to ask a question when she knew the answer with confidence. Then again, falling in love with a princess wasn’t exactly a common occasion in her life, either. She began to wonder about the correlation between the two, and what other new things she might find herself doing. It just might be something worth researching. Privately, of course.

Estelle broke Rita out of her thoughts with a squeeze of her hand, “If that happened… I’d take your hand, and start running. And I’d never look back.” 

The grin on Rita’s face grew with every word Estelle said, “I don’t know where - to Dahngrest, or Myorzo… or Weccea. I don’t care, as long as I’m with you.”

“You’re perfect,” Rita blurted breathlessly. She barely registered her embarrassment, even as Estelle’s cheeks flushed bright red.

“I love you, Estelle.”

“I… I love you too, Rita.”

The girls remained as they were for a while longer, hands together, the purest smiles on their faces, nothing occupying their minds but the total, unconditional love they held for each other. 

Eventually, Rita’s mind wandered. Wait, wasn’t there something else she was supposed to be doing…?

“Oh crap!” The mage’s shout broke both girls out of their reverie. Realising that she had just yelled in Estelle’s face, she dropped her hand and backed away.

“Sorry… I-I mean, I just remembered why we were out here in the first place...”

“Ha… ahahahaha…!” Estelle began to sway with laughter.

_ Well… I guess there could be worse reactions, but… _

“Uh, Estelle…?”

Straightening herself, the princess pointed high in the sky.

“Look - the sun’s only just beginning to set. We’ve got plenty of time, I’m sure.”

“The others will probably be wondering where we’ve been, though…” Rita scratched her head in thought, before shrugging it away. “Eh, we’ll just say it took a while to find all the stuff I need. They don’t need to know  _ everything _ .”

Estelle started to move back toward their bags. It really wasn’t that long ago, and yet it felt like a lifetime had passed… 

“Well, I suppose it sort of  _ did  _ take you a while…”

That earned a snicker from Rita. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

The girls picked up their respective bags, and started their way back to the inn, back to the others, back to their adventure… but now, they could truly face it, and the future, together.

“By the way, Rita, I was wondering about something. What do you think about Halure…?”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, and thanks for reading my first fanfic! As you might guess, I got the idea for this from the brief moment towards the end of the game in Capua Nor, where Rita and Estelle leave the party for like 5 seconds. Being a shameless Ristelle shipper, I filled in the blank pretty quickly.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading, and if there's anything you think I might be able to improve on, please let me know!


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